As If To Sleep
by sapphermine
Summary: They didn't think it could happen. They were all so happy that day, all so blissfully carefree and... alive.


They didn't think it could happen. They were all so happy that day, all so blissfully carefree and... alive. It seemed so impossible. None of them could have ever seen it coming. Even if he were the 10th Boss of the Vongola, even if he became target of many familigia mafiosos, even if he was adamant about _not_ killing anyone after his own life... even if he was in so much danger everyday... It was a thought that none of them had -or had not wanted to have.

Because Sawada Tsunayoshi had been their anchor. He had been everything they didn't -or couldn't- have. Tsuna represented things that they had hoped for -and got- only by the simple reason that they were with him.

Finding themselves in a situation where they couldn't function properly, all they had to do was call -sometimes not even- and he'd be there. Surely, he was always there. Ready to help. Ready to fight along. Ready to console and comfort. Ready to die. To die for the sake of his family -of his friends. Ready. He was always ready.

They caught the news through many ways that day. Each of them had raced towards the mansion, worry clearly etched on each on their faces. Their worry was apt for when they got there, they saw him, lying on the floor, head supported and carried by his mother, wounded terribly, badly hurt, unable to move -but smiling. Smiling at all of them who burst in so suddenly, smiling at his family who had come from all over because of one single news that had not even been proved true.

It was a bittersweet image to all who had known and cared for the Tenth.

Tsuna raised his head up a little to see them more clearly. It caused him to wince and caused everyone else in the room to wince and voice out their concern for their leader and friend. He only shook it away, smile widening at the concern and worry.

"Gomen nasai," he whispered. "I should have been more careful."

It seemed that it took so much from him that almost everyone in the room had to protest about his stubbornness to talk. But he shook his head defiantly, his stubbornness clearly showing through his weakening amber eyes. Amber eyes that had not so long ago been brimmed with so much life.

"I think you guys already know."

All in the room had noticed and were silenced by the boy who had changed their lives forever.

The boy -for he was still a boy- coughed a little. It caused a ripple of thoughts to transpire in each of those who were present.

Gokudera thought that it was impossible, that this wasn't happening and he was merely having a terribly real-looking nightmare. But when he shook himself to try and wake up, he was still standing, staring with widened eyes at the boy who he had once -and always- thought of as the true 10th boss of the Vongola. He stared fearfully at the boy who had drastically made changes in him, changes he had thought impossible to happen. It wasn't that it was solely _because_ of the 10th, he thought. But by just being _around_ him, just be seeing and learning from him had made changes in him he'd forever thank him for. Some were additions though. Like friends and a real family.

Yamamoto agrees with Gokudera. But as he too realized the realness of the situation, he couldn't help but be dreadful. This was something he couldn't do anything about. Even before he came here, shouts of: _'Hurry up and call an ambulance!', _or _'This can't be happening…' _or '_Why must this happen now?!', _shouts ringing loudly in his ears till he feels as if he'd go deaf from itTruthfully, he thought the same thing. Why now? Why now when no one was home, when everyone was out and having their own breaks. Why must it happen when Tsuna was so vulnerable without his guardians? But then again, why not now? It was the perfect opportunity to kill him. It was so obvious it could happen and yet none of them had feared it could be so. Why had they been so lax, he wondered? Even as he looks at his Boss, he wonders how he'd fare without him, he wonders if everything would stay intact. He wonders if everything would crumble, if everything they've worked so hard to build would diminish. He thinks it isn't far from happening, not when the very foundation of it all was dying.

Yamamoto thinks that his life couldn't have had turned out this way without Reborn. But he didn't think it could be this fulfilling and complete without Tsuna. Reborn had been the guiding wind –the catalyst, as they say. But Tsuna had been the wave that brought everyone together. Tsuna had been that strong and unwavering wave that had swept them all to bring them here. Here, where everything was not so peaceful but it was a 'here' that they were welcomed and loved. It was a 'here' that gave them the feeling that they 'belong'. Yamamoto thinks it would be hard to think like that now.

Lambo stares stupidly at his the prone figure of the one who take of him so many years ago when he was little. He thinks that it was a fluke, that Tsuna was just faking it and that everything would be okay in the end. He didn't think Tsuna was dying. He didn't think that it was even possible. Because, how could Tsuna, who was so strong and so brave, could ever be defeated? It was something that he couldn't comprehend. Lambo doesn't think that Tsuna could ever lose to anyone. Especially not a coward who wouldn't even face his opponent in a real fight. Lambo wasn't sure what Tsuna was saying. He didn't even get why he was saying sorry. So Lambo just shakes his head and smiles at Tsuna, eyes willing Tsuna to tell him that it wasn't real and that Tsuna was going to be all right. Lambo looks. But he doesn't get an answer.

Ryohei had been hopeful when he was running towards the mansion. He thought that the messenger was exaggerating things a little too much. Because how could Sawada ever be defeated when he was the strongest of all of them? He had known, even from the first time they met, that Sawada would become great. He didn't even doubt that Sawada would become the 10th Boss no matter who faced against him. He believed that Sawada could overcome everything and anything. But when he saw him, lying so vulnerably in the arms of his mother, he couldn't help but realize that Sawada was, after all, still human. He couldn't possibly do everything. He can't be perfect. So when Ryohei sees Sawada smile at them when they all entered, he felt tears welling up. It was just natural to feel sad about this. It was just right for a real man to shed tears for someone who had been so important to him. He believed that only a real man would be able to do so. So he let the tears flow. He let the little droplets make their way down his cheeks and to the floor. He couldn't care less if people with closed minds thought it was funny for such a manly guy to cry. He felt miserable. And he believes that letting his misery show is allowed.

Mukuro was inside Chrome watching it all happen from her eyes. He could feel freely flowing tears from her. He couldn't blame her. After all, years of being with the 10th Vongola Boss had given her something no one else could have. A real family. A family where she truly felt she belonged. Mukuro thinks that perhaps things couldn't have been much better if he hadn't met Sawada. He thinks that meeting him was fate and that the consequences he faced were nothing compared to the rewards he'd been getting since becoming a part of Sawada's family, however indirectly. Mukuro believes that Chikusa and Ken wouldn't have led a much better life if they hadn't followed him to try and get the young Sawada. He believes that the three of them feel the same way towards the young Vongola Boss no matter how twisted they all express it. But Mukuro knows that Sawada knows. And that's why he thinks it's okay to say whatever he wants to. Because he knows that Sawada will always accept him. In the past, he never would have thought that just by being influenced by a single person could create changes in him. Changes such as acquiring the ability to believe again, to have hope in the world that had once abandoned and used you. Mukuro believes that no matter what happens, nothing would stay the same. Sawada had been Sky who welcomed all of them with warmth and open arms. But with that gone, what was there to look forward to?

Hibari wasn't there in the room. Everyone knows he hates crowds. But he especially hated this crowd. In fact, _hate_ would be an understatement. He _loathed_ the crowd gathered in there. All of them were in such a sorry state. Everyone was giving off depressed and dark auras. It was a wonder that the Herbivore wasn't choking with it. He didn't think he'd be here. He thought that he would always care less when the Herbivore would get in trouble. _Because the Herbivore always won over those troubles_ there was no need to worry. But the news he got this time was different. Different in a way that made him come and drop his duties of keeping order in Namimori. So he looked from above to the window of the room where they were, where the Herbivore's other guardians were. He was surprised he felt a slight pain in his chest when the thought that the Herbivore was going to die ran across his mind. Was this the effect of hanging around that weak Herbivore? He thinks back and remembers that the Herbivore wasn't weak anymore and it wasn't right that he call _him_ weak. Because calling that Herbivore weak would mean that _he_ himself is weak. He recalls how the Herbivore became so strong. He didn't think it was possible at first to grow so powerful in so little a time. But the Herbivore had discovered the secret of true strength before him and so the Herbivore had raced passed him in strength and in character. He wasn't that weak little Herbivore anymore. Before his eyes, he became Sawada Tsunayoshi, 10th Boss of the Vongola. Hibari doesn't think anyone could have that position other than him. If it wasn't his Herbivore, he didn't think he'd stay as guardian. Not that he ever said he was one.

Tsuna thinks it was heartbreaking to see all his friends so miserable. He didn't want to see anyone like that. If possible, it would have been better if he would see smiles on their faces. But Tsuna thinks it's impossible. How could he ask for that at a time like this? But he thinks he could be selfish just this once. So he smiles up at them, a brighter one, bigger. They all look at him quite crazily. Indeed, why would a dying man such as he be making such a face? Normal people would begin to regret, to look back at their lives and be sad at all the things they should and could have done. Normal people would be thinking about the 'what if's' at a time like this. Tsuna didn't have any of those. What was there to think about but the gifts each of his friends have given him and be thankful for it? What else was left but to say 'Thank You', to say 'Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for staying by me through the craziest of times, through the hardest of times. Thank you for sharing a part of your lives with me. Thank you… Thank you for making my life the way it had been.' Tsuna's only regret is that he can't say that anymore. He feels that he has no strength to say something so long in the short time he's been granted to face them for the last time. So he opts for the next best. He smiles up at them, carefully looking at them directly in their eyes, hoping they'd get his final message.

He looks at each of them, eyeing them carefully, memorizing each and every feature of their faces, remembering how each had had such a huge impact on his life. It had been them, in the end, who had given him the strength to move on, to fight and become the 10th Vongola Boss. He knows that in time, all of his friends would be able to accept what had happened and that they'd forgive him for this. He chuckles inwardly as he thinks of this. Tsuna knows that they probably don't understand how exactly huge an effect they had all been in his life. Without them, he probably wouldn't even be here. So he supposes that everything would be all right in the end. Because these were the people who had given him strength. Wouldn't it also follow that they'd be able to garner strength from each other? He believes in his friends and he smiles widely once more. And besides, they still had Reborn right? Reborn would do something about it.

He breathes in deeply, careful not to pain himself more, and whispers, "Thank you," from deep within his hear. Tsuna hopes that everyone present would be able to hear exactly what he wanted to say. He looks at each of them once more, including that particular loner perched on a nearby branch –with much difficulty, and smiles his brightest.

He closes his eyes, as if to sleep. But never to wake up again.


End file.
